Life, Quotes, Rants, Reflections, Work

I left Tiktok in 12 months.

08072022 – Official Offboarding Day

If your intention is to come here to dig some dirts about Tiktok/ Bytedance, I’m sorry — There ain’t such of it.

Looking back, yesterday, 08072022 was my official offboarding day with Tiktok Singapore as the project that I was heading has come to an end.

Past weeks (especially the past few days) have been intense and emotional. Getting all the clearance to share the updated product direction to the the existing users (who are already annoyed by the sudden plans) ain’t the easy feat. There were (less) angers, fears, disappointment shared among the community. Went through Round 1 with Partners and now Round 2 with Users.

I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who’s there for me, the team and of course the product. Being the sole headcount for the past 11 months ain’t easy, not everything is a bed of roses. Despite everything has to be done remote but thank god for the opportunity to work with some of the smartest and kindest people in Singapore and across the globe.

I will be taking some time off to spend the crucial days with family this month (so many things have happened concurrently and leaving no breather for anyone) and to work on NextBlock and piggyback in the meantime. And yes, will blog more!

Till then.

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Life, Rants, Reflections

My Personal Story – Living with COVID-19. :)

Well, I have my fair share of quarantine orders for the whole month of September due to the fact that I have higher hit rate (4 children attending school at the same time). When I thought I was out from the first quarantine order, I was then slapped with another one and thereafter. All of my friends were telling me that — I was that friends who always tio things relating to COVID-19 and blaa blaa blaa.

And this is not enough. The real stress came when Govt just announced some changes to the COVID-19 routine and also how they are going to deal with the existing, suspecting and at risk cases with the Multi-taskforce Press Conference held on 9 October and the encouragement of home recovery instead.

However, on 10 October, my mum called after I reached home from the dinner from her place, she mentioned – Dad’s ART came out to be positive. She decided to do an ART on my dad after he was coughing and wheezing very badly. He has an underlying conditions with severe childhood asthma since young. So I told my mum to do a test on the rest of the household members (my 90+ grandma, my 70+ uncle and etc) – all cleared and negative and I told her that it could be, the virus is not “awake” yet. Did an ART for the kids, all negative despite No 4 having a bad sore throat.

The very next day, my mum told me she’s down with fever and was vomiting very badly. And the rest was history. All I can remember was — I sent her to hospital, send the elderly to the hospital and then liaising with MOH. Initially there are alot of confusion with the MOH and etc because of the new policies and arrangement. After much frustration, I shifted temporarily back to my mum’s place to take care and isolate myself from the rest.

In the end, due to the fact that we have a 90+ yrs old, 70+ and parents with underlying conditions, we managed to split the arrangement to — bringing back the 90+ to recuperate at home, send the parents and uncle to CCF. Thank god for the PSLE marking days, I got the girls to join me in taking care of my grandma while Sharanne prepare for her exams remotely.

This is the moment that I realised it wasn’t easy to work with intense work, rebuild (family) business, take care of kids, preparing the elder one for exams and take care of a grandma who has dementia. During this period, I gave up a few opportunities (including my sleep) and decide to keep family sanity as priority and everything else. Shall leave the opportunities to fate again.

Thank god for the encouragements and support along the way. What doesn’t kill me made me stronger! And right now all of them are COVID-19 free till 20xx!

As there are rising cases, just pray hard things will go back to the same soon! 🙂

Mental Wellness, Rants, Reflections, Work

The Caregiver Stress

Well, not everyone knows about the stress of the caregiver until becoming one. True indeed. And stress doubled if you have a variety of household members who required different needs and care.

First of all, going through this is a super stressful one. One needs to deal wit the bad news of the household member being confirmed of whatever the illness is and on another hand, one needs to run parallels on the future care taking arrangements.

I’m sharing this very personal story of my own. My uncle has mental illness since half a century ago and my grandma was diagnosed with dementia few years back. Both of them have been living together with my parents as there is no other caretaker other than my parents who are willing and can cope with the tempers of theirs. Since then my siblings and I grew up to having to cope to react to my uncle’s outbreaks over times and my grandma’s temper and her transition to being more aware and sound to the diagnosis of dementia. All of them have other underlying conditions.

We grew up poor financially but rich in our bonds and I am amazed for my parents’ determination despite the fact that my father is the sole breadwinner and my mum is a full time caretaker of the family.

Due to the medical conditions, my uncle is not able to find jobs thus he is an urban recycler aka karung guni for the longest and his frugality and helping my father with the household spending is something that I will be grateful for.

Did I mention that my siblings and I grew up in a hoarding environment due to the nature of their tempers and jobs and there were times that I do not understand when I’m younger — why do I need to go through this? However such environment built up a strong character in me and the determination to break through the current and also helped us to conquer fears for all insects and creepy crawlies.

Okay, I deviated too much. What I want to say in this post is — I was amazed with my mum’s grit in this circumstances. As cliche as it sounds, we did ask her if she tried to walk out or break through this situation, she says she did not thought of it as a traditional woman, you can only give your best to your husband and his family once you are married into the family.

Although there is so much that I disagree with her but looking through how she took care of the family including the grandchildren, there is only max appreciation and gratitude for her.

During the recent weeks, I have also evolved to a full time caretaker for my grandma/ parents due to the COVID-19 situation back home. Everyone is going in and out of the hospital and in and out of the community care facilities and luck was never on my side as I have not really cleared a week free from quarantine and the necessary stress from all the policy changes and new rules. And because of this experience, I have realised the stress that my mum has been going through.

That level of ensuring that everyone takes the medicine, trying to keep them within the safe space and environment and the debate of getting them to fulfil menial tasks seems to be a challenged. Not forgetting the fact that she needs to constant remind and conduct the decluttering progress and accidents do happen.

E.g. My grandma accidentally threw away some of my uncle’s items and fused a heated argument as they are both mentally incapable to exercise a sound judgement. The incontinence that my grandma experiences on a daily basis and her refusal to wear diapers and etc. Despite all these, one still need to stay calm and resolve/ deconflict the tension on an immediate basis.

I felt that sense of 24/7 standby and tension almost every single seconds and everyone will have a bad day yet the caregiver cannot show too much of such negative emotions as it will affect the household members. Imagine that.

All I want to say, all caregivers deserves appreciation and also if one can render help, please do.

Many asked why won’t we hire a helper. Firstly the older generation does not prefer having a stranger around in the house and they are quite stubborn with their diehard habits. And all the siblings, the 4 of us chipped in to assist. So yeap, please care for the mental health and well being of all caregivers every moment possible instead of just because October is the month that supports mental wellness. 🙂

And these period with all the work stress, I decide to forgo to climb the corporate ladder but do more of the pay-it-forward stuff and build a better mental well being for the family.

Special shoutouts to the organizations, people who went in the extra mile to help us during our younger days and I will definitely pay it forward through piggyback and every methods possible.

Rants, Reflections

Year 2020

I found my closure and have locked up all my past negative posts.

Moving forward, there will only be positivity sharing.

Self Discipline is the BEST Discipline.

Till date, we will let fate decides.


Update: 15 Dec 2020; Amazingly, the cycle repeats and I managed to clear out on my Instagram. It’s ironic to be socially-decluttered and focus on self, life, kids and business.

A restart is good, a recharge is definitely better.


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Healing, Heartbreaks, Rants

Reflections

Singapore is moving towards Phase 2 after months from the announcement of Circuit Breaker.

This Circuit Breaker taught me alot. From facing the utmost challenge of having my heart broken and shattered into million pieces to picking myself up. It was never an easy feat and I never thought these 6 months would had changed me drastically.

The thoughts had taunted me till this very moment and will continue to do so till I had officially healed and hopefully from this, I will come out stronger and better as an individual, entrepreneur, mother, daughter and a sister.

I will try my best and give my best shot. Words are cheap and indeed, actions speak louder. As we moved onto Phase 2, we must remember not to be complacent and take things for granted. Self control and discipline are important across all aspects of life.

Till date, do take good care. ❤️💋

Rants, Really Rayray

#ReallyRayRay

Ok fine. I’ve officially stepped out of my comfort zone and get Ray Ray to try out the media pathway and this is my daughter’s channel. I did this because I want them to know that for the things that they want, they need to fight for it if it’s worthy and things are always not as easy as they think it is.

Part of growing up I guess. Please support! 🙂

RRR
Really Rayray

📷 INSTAhttps://www.instagram.com/thereallyrayray

🎥 YOUTUBEhttps://bit.ly/reallyrayray

🎥 TIKTOK: https://www.tiktok.com/@reallyrayray


Some fun facts:

  1. My siblings helped to vote her a yes to go-ahead and approved on her venture into the media space.
  2. The initial name was Really Real Rayshirl given by my sister-in-law but in the end, I decide to remove the Real and part of Rayshirl real name (some part of me still want to try my best to embrace privacy). So I use her nickname “Rayray” instead.
  3. Even my close friends voted a “Yes” for her to explore the pathway because all of them felt the need to let them go through this process.

And why did I oppose to it (initially):

  1. I realised the unseen dangers of the Cyberworld. It could be Cyberbully or some dangerous Paedo lurking around.
  2. I embraced privacy especially the girls.
  3. If Cyberbullying happened, I’m not sure with the age and stage of mental capability, can the girls handle the stress and etc.