Mental Health for Adults

Earlier on, I shared about the Mental Health for Kids. And there is particular an incident that I wished I had moments prior to speak about in any case, this post is dedicated to a friend/ brother who had passed on due to a sudden death 10 days earlier (on 10.10) and it reminded me on how I dealt with my own depression in the past.

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Saw this post on Facebook and I can totally relate.

At the end of the day, it’s all about SELF-WORTH. Not everyone can see your worth and you need to walk away from all these negative people and sometimes these negative people could be your closest kin, your parents, your another half, your kids, your siblings.

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WALK AWAY.

If they never appreciate every single thing that you did or praise you ever. They never will. Truth hurts but as a strong-minded individual, the ability to walk away is the first step to curb. Cry if you want. Scream if you want. But do note that there will always be someone who will appreciate you. It takes time to find this person though. Wait for it to happen as it will come eventually. Don’t rush into things. Walk away when they say/ mention nasty words.

COMMUNICATE.

You are not alone. Speak to your closest friends or random strangers. I always feel that finding random strangers to speak to, will lessen my burden and reduce the pressure that I had been shouldering. It helps and there are various channels to keep anonymity.

• Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444 (24 hours)
• Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019
• Institute of Mental Health: 6389-2222 (24 hours)
• Care Corner Singapore Counselling hotline (Mandarin): 1800-3535-800
• You can email me at willynn.ng@gmail.com as an alternative to Aunt Agony.

DON’T GIVE UP.

Mental Health is just like a common illness similar to fever and cough. Once treated, you will be fine. Don’t be bothered by the ancient taboo that you are crazy once you are diagnosed with mental illness.

Remember life is a sacred thing that one can ever ask for. Look at the patients with cancer, they are constantly fighting to win another moment of their lives. So don’t give up this gift of life that you have dearly.

YOU CAN DO IT. And we can do it together to overcome it. Jiayou!

Death will not solve any issues instead it will make things worst as your surviving kins will need to deal with the loss and heartache constantly.

I once felt tired of life and resorted to self harm but I’m thankful for all my family and friends who had pulled me up during my darkest days.

Otherwise, I would have been six feets under.

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Overthinking versus Depression

I guess it’s always a fine line in between everything. And best, overthink leads to depression.

As an over-comer (if there is ever such a word) of depression, I guessed when I became inactive at work, depression started to kick in. What a workaholic life — which brings me to the next point.

Why did I choose this path? 2017/ 2018 is a bad year of bad decision making.

1. Preggo and no one wants to hire and get stuck in a situation where I can’t seems to figure it out and stuck in the deep shit with all the relevant agencies.
2. Why did I choose to be preggo when I had already kind of restart my life – with the kids all grown up and ready – I need to restart my life in terms of fine tuning to the lifestyle. I need another 7 years to be ready as I need the youngest one to get into a Primary School.
3. Because of Pointer <1>, I speculate that I need to return to the workforce soon enough and again, I guess I will not have ample time to bond with my kid(s)/ recover from the post par tum and once again, my body will be screwed up due to all these. Correction – it’s already screwed up.
4. Pregnancy/ Motherhood seems to be enjoyable from others POV but all I feel that I am suffering – to take care of all the bills, fret over life and etc, all alone.

I need to tell myself, stop thinking for others because no one will think for you. And for the kids, I will pick $ over anything else.

This is my main motive in life and indeed harsh fact of life that I had to choose a career that $ is more important than my own passion. What a joke.

Why can I find someone dependable when I’m at my lowest.

Why is everyone after motive? Why can’t I find someone who shares the same mentality – sometimes it’s better than to give than to receive. No expectations, nothing.

Penning these down to remind myself in near future. Perseverance will get me somewhere one day.

Countdown to see my baby, wipe out my savings 也是值得 (f_ _k the bills) and the depression.

August 2018 – 我会一切从头开始.

37 Weeks

1 more week to 38 weeks and it’s the legit full term of the pregnancy. Looking back, it seems that this pregnancy had made me realised alot in life, appreciating things that I once didn’t bother:

1. Health – Healthy body bags a healthy pregnancy. I got no guts to announce this pregnancy because every single day, I am threading the fine lines between life and death. I had been experiencing STB (short-term bleeding) from Week 7 to Week 35 and need to get certain jabs done every single 2 weeks. Expensive pregnancy I would say but all is well for the priority of #BabySayge.
2. Pace of Life (Time) – Yay. I used to be a fast-paced person and a renowned workaholic but this time round, I take things slow. Thanks to o_Bye shitty management, I manage to take a break on the compromise of money.
3. Wealth – Because I had spent too much on this pregnancy prior to the arrival of the Queen aka #BabySayge, I realised I had learnt alot in this. Rich not in terms of cash but experience and I hope this will make me a stronger person.

The pain had kind of made me too depressed that everything seems to take a negative toll on me but thank god for BFFs, mummies, friends and closed family support that made me walked out from all these.

In the meantime, I will just pray that Sayge will just hang on, as much as I do/ would.

Thirty/ Thrifty Mum

There are a lot of keyboard warriors hiding behind the screen giving judgmental shxts about stuff, tons of stuff.

Yup, turning 30 and this year seems to be a bad year for me. Out of job, weeks before my delivery because the company went into liquidation mode thus every single cents count. I was looking through alot of Influenzers/ KOLs postings on motherhood/ babyhood but apparently, not many would touch on the nodes of many surviving mother struggling to keep the place/ home/ kids/ job together. Challenging to be a lady nowadays man~

So when I turned 30, I realised I become alot auntie-r for obvious reasons. Duhz.

1. Different priorities and needs (I just want a simple life, not a luxury life.)
2. I’m getting old – priority is having more $ for rainy days and etc.
3. I have 3 kids and the economy of scales need to work for me (otherwise I need to wait for the money to drop from the sky, as if huh).
4. Harsh facts of life that the income gap is getting wider – meaning to say, the richer is getting richer but the poor is also getting, challenging. (I refused to use the word, “poorer” because in my opinion, they are rich in other ways. Experience is something you cannot buy.)

So being a mother of soon to be FOUR girls, I had made various choices in life in terms of labour and I hope this really help those who are struggling, like me.

1. CHOICE OF DELIVERY/ HOSPITAL/ WARD

• Okay, IF you are someone who can take high threshold for pain, money is an issue and you do not mind not having a fixed gynae – the cheapest option, delivered at KKH via Natural Birth without Epidural, stays in B1 Ward. Just book an appointment online here (Click the “Book an Appointment” on the right panel) and there you go. You can just end up paying less than 1K+ after Medisave Claims and etc.
• GYNAE Choice – For my choice because of health/  pregnancy complications, I went back to my beloved Gynae who delivered the 3 sisters – Dr Lawrence Ang who knows my conditions better than anyone else. I had c-sect done for the 3 sisters (Do not judge me. I did try natural birth but thank you to my No 1 as I couldn’t dilate after donkey years and thus went for an emergency c-sect due to complications and I can’t look back anymore.) And for your info, his rates are good, competitive rate for a Senior Consultant and also, his clinic is in Sembawang (I stay in Yishun ok?) which is nearer to me. Otherwise, you guys can pick his BFF, Dr Adrian Woodworth who is also on the same par and had clinics at Sengkang/ Choa Chu Kang.
• DELIVERY Choice – Bo bian leh, got to choose the cheapest option – aka C-Sect with Spinal. C-Sect with Epidural is slightly expensive but well, it depends on individual.
• WARD Choice – One thing I like about Dr Lawrence Ang is that, his rates hor, he will charged you for 4-bedded ward pricing but there is an auto upgrade to 2-bedded one. I did stay in single-bedded before and the only pro is that, the baby AND the husband can be forever with you throughout your stay. But LOL, I’m going to see the baby for the rest of my life. That 3D2N will not make a difference to me.
• For the Medisave part – Can claim up to $3,500 and $900 for antenatal expenses (Do bring along all the original receipts upon your admission and the nurse will assist you on the claims for both)
• I will share my final bill with everyone here after delivery but expected to top up cash between $4k to $6k depends on how serious my pregnancy complications. Sighs for my lousy body/ health and me.

2. CONFINEMENT NANNY – YAY OR NAY? (SEE OPTION 3 IF U WENT ON A NAY).

Okay being a mother of 3 and had experienced confinement for 3 times, I guess I am seasoned enough not to engage a confinement lady. A NAY FOR ME. That 3K plus to engage 1x confinement lady hor, I can put it for better use like buy stuff for the girls and etc. But of course, if anyone in the family can help you to look after abit, is a bonus – like my mum/ family members/ extended family had always kept a lookout for one another. And in the past aka the ancient days, where got people engage confinement lady? They look after the babies/ the whole kampung by themselves.

The only shit thing that one needs to do is that; follow the strict confinement rules. Here’s mine:

• Shower with the Confinement Herbs. You can get the herbs from Eu Yang Sang/ Hock Hua or those traditional medical shops and just ask for Da Fong Ai 大风艾. Otherwise you can check out Carousell or purchase the herbs from JB, Malaysia (Price is definitely cheaper). I bought a 31 days worth of herbs because I had intend to shower almost everyday. The keyword – intend. If my mum happens to see this, she will slaughter me alive but well, I think hygiene is way more important.
• Eat alot of Ginger and Sesame Oil. I intend to airfry Old Ginger as Chips before my birth and add into every single shit I eat for confinement. LOL I will share the recipe and etc in hopefully my next post.
• Drink alot of Ginger/ Long Gan + Red Dates Tea. The elderly says, drinking water during confinement will cause water retention and thus cannot drink water during the confinement, instead drink alot of ginger/ long gan + red dates/ dang3 sheng1 water. For me, I stock up Taiwan Jiang Mu Tea + Taiwan Long Gan + Red Dates Tea via Qoo10 here and also bought the dang3 sheng1 water combi from the traditional medical shops. Lastly, I had stocked up this cordyceps + ginseng bottle similar to bu3 yao1 jing1. AND my mother gave me alot of D.O.M. Again, for cheaper option, can carousell/ ask friend to buy from taiwan/ airfrov or buy from JB, Malaysia.
• Wear well. – socks/ long pants and etc. I bought alot of nursing wears from Qoo10 and Carousell sia. Cheap and good. 🙂

3. CONFINEMENT FOOD DELIVERY.

Another option is that if you are not engaging a confinement lady, you can consider ordering a 28-days confinement meals. For me, as I am a vegetarian. I only had one choice that’s from Nature Veg. I did order their trial meal to try and guess what, the portion is scary that I think I can eat the same shits for 3 meals. So as of now, I decided not to go without the ordering of confinement meals and cook on my own (See Pointer 2, Point 2 – Eat alot of Ginger and Sesame Oil.) because:

1. I am a small eater. I eat like a bird and NOT particular about food.
2. Save the money. Look at the cost of the engagement.
3. Improved my cooking and thank god for the invention of double boiler/ slow cooker and etc.
4. I can use this time to improve my cooking. And I had prepared alot of recipes to go with for my 28 days. 🙂 I will blog about this real soon kays. 

Perhaps I might change my mind if I decided to put time into better use. But well, as of now, I shall keep it as it is. And my mum did say one cannot always touch the water. Looks like I have someone to prepare my ingredients and wash the dishes. =P

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Afterall, even if I engage the confinement lady/ meals, after my 28 days of confinement, I will still need to be on own what. So doesn’t matter. I bathed my 3 girls since they are a teeny tiny little bub.

And hor, if I can save near to 4K plus if I do everything on own leh. Of course, got help is a bonus but 天时, 地理, 人合 is not with me right now. I can do it. 🙂

And for the others essentials for myself/ baby – I got it from Qoo10/ Carousell/ Baby Fairs/ Online Promotions. Great Singapore Sales for the win. For baby clothes/ items wise, I am good with preloved from family (Thank you Aurelia. :X) and BABIES OUTGROWN THEIR CLOTHES DAMN FAST.

Good to have a network of supportive family/ mummies and friends.

Thank you to those who had lend me a helping hand thus far and give words of encouragements. Staying positive is important. And ta-da, I spent near to 2 hours to blog this entry sia. Going to continue my packing of the room and some admin works.

Till the next post. xoxo

Hard Truths

The shit is getting real. I’m feeling tired every single day and teary. I had alot of unjust within me. Instead of bottling up, I decide to pen this note now.

My body is fucked up. Yet, I do not want to spend a single cents in getting in up and running after my delivery. Why? Because I rather spend the extra $ on the kids. Bringing the kids up like a single mum takes alot of courage and tons of financial planning especially no one is helping. Don’t believe, go google the childcare/ educations/ meal costs. Actually no need, just walk down the milk powders/ baby diapers aisle in supermarket and you will be shocked for the rest of your life.

For myself and this upcoming delivery, I paid almost everyhing. From visiting gynae, jabs and etc, sometimes I ask myself, why ah? Why am I in this shit? Total investment till date stand stills at SGD 14k as of today date. Blame it on my lousy body.

And my post-birth, I cut down on confinement food/ nanny and everything else. You think I don’t want to engage meh? But I rather have all the $ saved up and please tolong tolong just let me have my kid out safe ok?

I wonder, why did I put myself through this? Finally get out of the shits after 6 years and focusing on something else but everything seems to go haywired since last year.

Bad choices I guess or perhaps bad luck.

My bad luck influenced my circles of close friends. Sometimes I can’t help it to see people around me in the same shits. And I wonder, can’t I just find a guy who can provide for me, willingly? Am I not good enough for anyone? Sometimes I wonder why didn’t I pick a rich guy in the first place, at least I have one item off my list that I do not need to fret about and I can lead a lone life despite being married.

Alot of people said, “just divorce lor“. Saying it is easier than to be done. 13 years of together-ness, the family knows him and he’s the father of the kids. How can one say leave, jiu leave leh? Housing how? Kids how? You think very easy is it? Try doing it yourself lor. It takes alot of time/ efforts/ courage and etc to get things moving. And I had been through the downest point of my life with no help. Doesn’t meant I need to do this as part of a revenge – to leave at one downest?

过来人会知道我在讲什么。

Job wise, is as fucked up. No one will employed a pregger and the Management of ex-company really suck to the max. Can’t do a shit change to my career with this situation. Anyway, karma will hit them one day and I speculate that its coming soon for them. The only good thing, I can only pray that MSF will be nice to me and direct reimburse me my maternity benefits to lessen the burden in near future. Infantcare cost 1.8K before subsidy or the cheapest one at 1.5K WTF.

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On a positive note, I really look up to my mum. She had a broken leg right now but she still cares for me. We had a H2H talk and she shared with me on her experience as  a mother. She told me, god let me go through all these to let me understand hardship and perhaps mould me into a stronger person and DO YOU KNOW…

I am not alone. My mum went through the same shit that I did. Not on the husband part, my dad really works hard for the family but to cut costs and save up for better days, my mother did her own confinement ON HER OWN for the birth of my sister back in 1993 and at the same time, care for my brother and I.

She told me about some experiences that I really think I am quite fortunate now with all her help in terms of physical, emotional and financial* support. *She bought me tonic and stuff and forever gives me angbao for no reasons? -_-

Goodness. I wonder why men don’t bother with all these?

Quote from BFF – “Cannot 自动 abit? Must tell you guys to buy than buy? Might as well, we do ourselves? Always take it for granted.” >>> That I always ask myself, why ah?

Back to my mum; I ask her how she managed; she says “like that lor.” Semo sai answer but she did share that:

1. She cooked her own confinement food.
2. Bathe for the baby with the help of my 二伯母 once awhile but majority she did it on her own, with the open wound.
3. My maternal grandma will popby as and when she can to check on her (See, the power of mother’s love).
4. During rainy days, she had to carry my baby sister in a sling and walk my brother and I to school, which is 15 minutes away from home, during her confinement. >>> I almost died when I hear this within me. 世上只有妈妈好。
5. Despite doing the confinement thing alone, on her own, she’s real disciplined about it. Really no aircon, no shower, drank only red dates long gan tea, ate alot of sesame oil, ginger and D.O.M and the traditional stuff which I doubt I can traditionally follow.

Off the records, my dad did not enter the delivery ward with my mum and he did not witness any one of our birth on an immediate note because he was slogging his life away. >>> If my another half did this to me, I think he don’t need to come back liao.

The only good thing about my dad, he pays for everything. I meant, “OF COURSE RIGHT. My mum is a SAHM.” Good genes run in the family because my “elder” brother (who is 1 year my junior) is a total replica of him.

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Penning the above for my memory sake and also to remind myself, a strong woman will always breed strong lady with character. Somemore my mum give birth to all of us via natural birth, without the shit epidural. *Clap clap* If my mum can do the above, with a better environment that I am in right now and with her support, I can make it man.

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Countdown to the day where Sayge is gonna be here. I gonna pray that everything went smoothly because my limits for everything had been stretched.

I hope she is an easy baby to take care of and hopefully to restart my life on my own. Insert reminders by BFF as and when so that I will constantly not fall into traps anymore.

“爱情不能当面包吃。”

Cheers to a better life in coming future and hopefully my life will change for the better and NOT FOR THE WORST.

Reminder again, I need no man in my life. Thank you for all the pain that men bring along, to me.

SIDENOTE: THE ABOVE ARE PENNED IN MY EXACT THROUGHTS/ EMOTIONS. There is nothing to be ashamed about and if you have negative comments, I suggest that you f off immediately. I take no bullshits. I will be nice if you are nice. 🙂