Yeap, alot of things happened for a reason and yes, I have close kins who didn’t get COVID once but twice.
Last week was an intense week, while doing market closure and officiate my offboarding process, the kids are all falling sick with a viral influenza spreading like no one business (it wasn’t C+, it wasn’t dengue, it’s just…. no one has any idea of exactly it is). Went in and out of A&E, 24-hrs clinics and also, prior to this my partner got C+ for the 2nd time. Adding onto the fuel, I need to bring my mum along for some of her appointments -_- until I was really shagged out.
But the level of focus was only 2 things, (1) health of the kids and (2) ensure my offboarding and market closure was a smooth sailing process for everyone in the team. It wasn’t easy to deal across the globe for all these but thank god, it went on well.
I often asked myself. What exactly am I chasing for again and again in life and realized sometimes, even when opportunity comes, family stands as the key priority and I had to let go of it when I have no confidence doing the best for it. D and R always mentioned that I have this habit of overthinking too much but I guessed, if I cannot attained a certain confidence level, it’s just not fair not to give the best self to others.
For me, this is the basic expectation that I required for myself. π Yes, a slave driver on own but it works for me in terms of growth. Not right and wrong answer but only, whether it suits one or not.
This is not the first time it happened and I guessed it’s the really a test by God. Right now, I looked back, with that 3 hours of sleep each day, it’s all worthwhile and despite the kids are still sick, at least they are better now.
Honestly, right now, I just hope that we don’t need to go through another round of non, I heard it’s another variation and whatever moneypox is. *Bleh*
Disclaimer: I’m posting as a mother of 4 and these are my own opinions thus it does not represent any organizations or individuals except myself.
Recently, I saw many news that spoke about the mental wellness and mental health of the younger generations. True that, there are many attributes that contribute to the negative well being — environmental, culture, the rise of the social media generations and the support made available.
Especially these 2 years due to the pandemic, many are facing not just the pandemic fatigue but the students felt a significant number of stress as the curriculum seems to be disrupted and it was done “nor here nor there”. And our society, sadly still focus largely on the academic.
My daughters shared that it’s hard to concentrate during the e-classes and the peer support to study together is not there. They do not know where they fall short of, teachers have been trying hard to finish the curriculum and ensure the students understand as much in this current situation (please note that they are unable to WFH like some of us and they too, are parents to their own kids.) to the best they could however kids being kids, they have this uncertainty and are unsure where their level of understanding are placed within the curriculum spectrum, within themselves.
And worst case scenario, in our context and (asian) culture, many of us do not adopt an open communication channel to share out the issues within. To make things worst, there’s a social stigma around mental wellness.
All I want to bring across is – us as parents, despite majority are brought up by the (traditional) generations, we should try our best to encourage kids to speak up in person or through private text if they felt awkward to share f2f and to assure them that it’s ok to feel stressed, to say no and to seek some professional help when required.
As parents, I just want them to know that I will be there for them and a healthy child is important than academics.
Just taking this chance to promote my second daughter’s instagram account – @andrealynndraws. Honestly I feel bad to take such a long time to create this account but I guessed the last straw was when she kept on misplacing her artpieces and also, people around will throw away her stuff on random materials (e.g. rough papers, tissue papers, etc — yes, she can draw almost anywhere) by accident.
Thus I decide to document her progression digitally and also perhaps this can help her to curate a proper portfolio when she’s older.
Honestly, No 2 has this flair and talent for drawings and arts that I do not have and being the quietest one amongst the 4, I guessed this is where her focus and attention are on.
Decided to make it or break it and thus left NTUitive/ NAMIC in Apr 2021 to help to pave ways for the family business despite perhaps I know this ain’t an easy journey and at the same time, took a break to work on myself, mental health and reassessing my path forward.
And then I realised – things will never work out the way it is despite how much you have planned including your back up plans.
1 week before I left NTUitive, my crypto trading went beyond the negative for the first time as I didn’t pay attention to my stop losses plan. For short trade, it’s heart breaking but I decided to HODL. And the best, R crashed my car and I just need to bring forward to scrap it. (Edited to include that he went on well and survived the crash. Er hmm.)
1 week after I left NTUitive, the spike in the community cases and clusters made me foresee a dejavu which honestly is driving me nuts due to the incident that happened last year that left me with trust issues with relationships ever since. I told myself that I will fight and win this war but internally, it gave me insomnia and etc. Thank god for my closest kins standing by me and distracting me wherever possible.
My said concerns were formalized with the Phase 2 Heightened Alert aka semi lockdowns. I’m forever amazed with the names that the Government has come up with, the circuit breaker, etc.
Took the whole month trying to find the right business model, right fit and also, spending time with the kiddos and the trying to upskill my knowledge. Decided that I need to really focus on agile methodologies to focus on matters thus I signed up for the course – Certified Scrum Master by NTUC Learning Hub (RTP: S$214) as I have utilized my Skillsfuture credits, I’m glad that I’m still eligible to get an one-off subsidy from NTUC UTAP programme and only paid S$107 to attend this.
This decision was made when I am thinking hard to push forward with my Masters or just, going through the skillsets based programme. Went for the latter as I’m afraid that I couldn’t commit with my careers and kids and I believed that academic credentials is important but being “human” and humane definitely bring it to another level. π
Took these months to catch up on things that I couldn’t afford to do when I was in a full-time job and managing kids and finally made the efforts to declutter the house.
Went to catch up with a few friends when Government announced Phase 3 Heightened Alert where dining for 2 has been made possible. Also went for a dinner with R at newly opened Saute Sushi at Paya Lebar Square. Love their menu and the train conveyor belt that enhanced the whole dining experience. Hopefully as people are more conscious about the health and climate change, people will swing over to a healthier and vegetarian/ vegan diet. π
Check out their spread and their prices are priced at an affordable pricing. π Currently, no reservations can be made and we queued for 30 mins (BFF queued for 50 mins) prior to get the seats.
Honestly, hope things get better for Singapore and looking forward to better years ahead. π
During these 3 months, I learnt to be a better person and definitely shall not lower my standards from this moment on. π Empowering mind, empowering lives.
Actually, sometimes I think back, I realised I had been shortchanged all the while. Thus with a whole new level, I want to set a good example that women should never lower their expectations for someone who’s not their par.
Emphasizing this as a marriage partner because both will need to propel together as one. I always asked myself — if the girl is my daughter, what would I say?
Yes, we should not be materialistic but somehow basic needs will need to be fulfilled. Otherwise, it’s hard to move on. Similar if my daughter divorced in the near future. Even with kids, the more one should not even lower the expectations. Otherwise it’s sending the wrong signals to defuse confidence in the kids.
As women are more fortunate now to be able to get a better education, having financial stability and all, having a partner or not, made no difference however being in a relationship, the other party would need more from us as we would be the only one who is capable to give birth to their offsprings or mental/ physical support.
Wow, I just suddenly feel that I had a strong feminist POV towards things in life but well nothing will change the fact as no one knew how tough I had walked on this path to reach this far. And also this post is dedicated to all women whos roughing out their paths now. XOXO
Similarly, I kept reminding myself.
11.11 is Single’s Day.
No 1-carat ring, say “No” to marriage. Stay single then. LOL
STEM is in trend but not all embraced the “orthodox” method of learning.
Science, Technology, Engineering & Math (STEM) classes have been widely introduced in U.S and the Western Countries where kids as young as 5 years old learned about the basic concept of STEM. However I feel that Asian parents still placed a stronger focus on the traditional academics and neglected the need for STEM despite the rising trends for Technologies and the worldwide storage for STEM talents especially in the areas of tech.
I chanced upon the article that in Singapore, the Government is adopting a proactive approach to introduce basic coding classes for the Upper Primary from Year 2020 as part of the education curriculum. It used to be optional but now compulsory. I guessed, the need to train the future industry talents to curb the manpower and talent shortage is indeed a pressing issue.
And I’m definitely a fan of anything that’s NOT academic. Learning should be fun especially when one is younger. One can afford to make more (and perhaps more expensive) mistakes and instead of being heavily pressured to chase the papers.
I kind of reminisced the days where I would figure how to “crash” my mum’s kitchen by cooking real food and having fun with my friends spending real time together instead of now, my kids favoured over Youtube “Toys Reviews”, check out what the rest are up to via Youtube or social media. Kids being kids, we should all learn by doing not just by seeing and etc.
Hopefully as the generations evolved, Governments will take a stronger approach in granting a more holistic education and it’s a good start now as I see more and more talents in the “cold” industry such as Arts, Music and Theatre Plays.
Thus I ponder, will parents be keen to explore workshops with kids at their early fundamentals years? Leave me a comment so that’s I’ll know.
Sometimes I think my guts are way bigger than what my mind, body and soul can contain but I guess, at extreme times, it will be a desperate call for everything else when things get… situational.
Over the weekends, the girls went for a stay over at D’Resort to celebrate joy and (my SIL) Joyce’s birthday (no pun intended). So as every kids would asked – Is there bathtub? Is there swimming pool? Is there…
And sometimes how I wished my answer is a flat, NO. But Google being the evil babysitter answered to all of the girls’ questions.
Well done, Google. Well done, Technology.
So the next question is – Can YOU bring me to swim? Can YOU bring me to… Horrifying indeed. Sometimes these Q&As turn me off to an extend where I wanted to just stuff everyone back to my womb. I kid you not.
And it happened when, no one is free to bring them and the only person available is ME. And swimming tends to be a hazardous activity down my list of “DO NOT”(s) especially the kids are the adventurous ones. And girls being girls, I always had this constant fear that bad stuff will happened to them (Read up those molest cases and etc…)… So the first tactic that I always pulled off?
Clear Flat Rejections – Sorry, menses is here. LOL. (But having said that, the girls went to the extreme (and extra mile) to check me out and realised I lied. Damn.)
So when Tactic #1 failed and if the request is still within one’s ability, just go for it lor.
And to ensure that the guilt trip trap will be a success. The girls emphasized on their “last” swimming experience and the lack of childhood physically exhaustive activities (because I was always the safe-mama who won’t appreciate rides…)
And ta-da here we go! A mother of 4 lugging 3 toddlers plus a baby. However I was thinking if in worst case scenario of drowning, who should I save first. HAHAHA. So in order to prevent that (other than NOT bringing them to swim), I set rules.
Do not get out of my side/ sight.
Only go for the baby pools if not, one shall forfeit the chance to go swimming ever again and embrace Rule #1
If someone is close and made you un-comfy, come back to my side and tell me straight to the face (and point to that someone who made you un-comfy. Human nature to disengage from bad stuff if one can recognise…)
3 of them must stay together within close range and keep a look out for one another otherwise, there won’t be a next time, ever again. This rule facilitate bonding, keeping a lookout for one another and self awareness of the surroundings.
And I need to place the barang barang within my sight because I bought cash and phone…
And ta-da, it works until the shower part.
The girls refused to leave and Sayge was all time as she’s feeling the drain and dozed off in the pool. So I did a dare and left the girls at the pool while I went to change Sayge out and changed out of my wet attire.
The issue is how, how to shower and change with a cranky baby in the arm and the 3 girls in the pool without adult supervision.
So this is what I did.
For Sayge and Myself:
We showered together despite her cranky screams.
Dried her up, wrapped her in the towel while I took off every single piece of clothing of mine (so that it won’t get her wet).
Change her into warm clothes with me, being so bare.
Use my master hand to carry her and the other to pull up the undies, then shorts.
Did a full squat, put Sayge in between my thighs and put a world’s fastest challenge of bra wearing within milliseconds.
Repeat the same world’s fastest challenge to pull over my top.
Dump the wet clothes into a plastic bag.
Ta-da, the deed is done (with a back ache) within 5-8 mins. LOL
And from this I learnt 4 things:
Bring a dark color, one piece loose dress in near future.
Ensure the bag is a waterproof bag.
Take on Yoga during free time.
ASK SOMEONE ALONG NEXT TIME.
And where are the girls? Went to play the slides on loop basis and the Lifeguard is such a nice guy to help me oversee-ing them. The showering part for the girls is easier. I just prepare the towels, their bathing necessities and clothes, they will just do whatever it is. And the best plan is the girls can cooperate to shower with Sayge’s timing altogether, because Sharanne can help to carry Sayge but well… Independence is always better than to rely on others. ^^
And during the session, I saw a few of the mothers who just changed right outside the room because they have toddlers who need to be within their sight. And this is why, kudos to mothers. π
After all, it’s all worthwhile to put smiles on the kids’ face. ^^
Gonna end this post with a picture taken by Sharanne, the self-proclaimed photographer/ future Youtuber. :X
Me + Sayge = Happiness π
εε¦ηοΌζηΆιθ¦3倴6θγ
Appreciate mothers and those who are in service line. π
Found this back in my archives in the Year 2014. Please note, this was written in the Year 2014 when I am just 25 years old!
From a point of view of a young (working) mum.
Please note that this would be a lengthy post. π
And this is my story…
I was pregnant with my elder girl, Sharanne when I am still doing my part-time degree over at Kaplan Singapore. I guessed I did brave through 2 semesters with her in my tummy and the best part, my last paper was just a week before my expected delivery date (August 2010). So I had her through an emergency c-section on 19 August 2010 when I am just 21 years old.Β
Everything from pregnancy was a trauma for me as I didn’t know what to do being a new mum and everything was like, wow, new to me. I need to get to know and pick up new things such as lingoes and terms like to latch on, burping postures and etc… Although it was “scary” in a way, I am thankful to have my mum, my extended family (in-laws) and experienced mummy friends who guided me through the days.
Sharanne at Minutes OldSharanne at FewΒ HoursΒ Old
I remember the instance when I had to discharge from the hospital without Sharanne as she had serious jaundice issue. That moment, I teared like nobody because I am so scared to lose her and I didn’t know what the hell the Doctor is trying to tell me. But well, everything went on fine until…
At that point in time, I was still breast feeding Sharanne and my period didn’t come at all which both my Gynae and my friends told me that it’s quite normal. I didn’t pay attention to it so I live my life as per normal. My days are just like spending with Sharanne and looking out for jobs (as I had finally graduated). I was offered a position at a statutory board after a few months of hardwork but I told them, I can only start work in January 2011 as I want to spend more time with Sharanne.
SharanneΒ atΒ MonthsΒ Old.
I took a short celebratory trip in late 2010 to Taiwan – to celebrate my birthday, my graduation, my new role in life as a mum, my new found job. However, I felt nauseous and super unwell throughout the whole trip. Somehow or rather my instinct told me… I “might” be pregnant. And I bought a pregnancy test kit when I am during my last few days back in Taiwan. Guess what,Β I AM PREGNANT, AGAIN.
When I returned to Singapore, I quickly made an appointment with my Gynae. He confirmed on my pregnancy and checked that the EDD was in Early July. In other words, I am pregnant with my 2nd one… when Sharanne is roughly two months old. My Gynae told me that it’s ok and due to my age, the womb recovered quite fast and thus I am able to get pregnant within a short span.
At that point in time, I wasn’t sure if I can cope with 2 kids of such a close age gap and I heard a lot from my friends that Sharanne might not understand and might just throw a tantrum by seekingΒ MOREΒ attention which literally freaks me out but well, I LOVE KIDS! π And also, I was shattered because I just secured a job and now, who will employed someone who is soon to be going on maternity leave.
But to my astonishment, my potential employer still accept me despite my pregnancy as I think it’s fair for me to voice it out to them. Till date, I am really thankful for their kindness as it’s not easy to find such a good employer to start with.
Random Inserts: As I go along, I will list down various Pro(s) & Con(s). For easy references, I will highlight theΒ ProsΒ andΒ Cons.
Well well, for as a start, the Pro that I have is (it works be it whether I have 2 or 3 kids):
PRO – Things can be passed down:
I was so happy when my Gynae told me that I’m expecting a girl. Because when I’m pregnant with Sharanne, I bought a lot of clothes and I didn’t know that babies outgrown the clothes, THIS fast. So I was thinking that Baby No. 2 can just hop on to whatever I bought for Sharanne as majority of the clothes were brand new and unworn. (Sharanne is a fat baby. LOL)
AnotherΒ PROΒ would be:
I know what I will be going through.
I would stare blankly when I hear the various lingoes. I know what to expect and won’t be as fearful as per compared to my first pregnancy. I know what to expect and what’s the rough outcome…
TheΒ Cons:
Difficulties in Handling No 1.
As Sharanne is still a baby and by the time I was 6 month pregnancy with Andrealynn (the name of Baby No 2) when the tummy shown, I had a hard time in bathing Sharanne and carry her. I will get tired easily and hardly had the breath to play with Sharanne especially when I had started my full time job when I am just 3 months pregnant. My life then > Job, Sharanne, Visit Gynae, Rest.
Fast forward >>> I gave birth via C-sect on 8th July 2011 to Andrealynn.
AndrealynnΒ atΒ BirthAndrealynnΒ atΒ FewΒ HoursΒ Old
That was the best moment of my life as its my first witnessing the birth of my child. Sharanne was an emergency so I had to go through full body anesthesia. But Andrealynn’s was a half body anesthesia. π
I had the first tears of joy. And life is definitely beautiful with the kids.
As Sharanne was nearing a year old then. She was totally at lost with the new addition. And after a few rounds of interaction, I could say… they will the best playmates in life, forever.
My friend told me do buy a toy each representing each of them and do an exchange, like an acceptance of one another and they will be the best friends of life. I did and not sure if it did attribute to the fact of acceptance.
Well well, having 2 kids of an young age is an issue when especially Sharanne is still taking her baby steps and learning to walk.
CON – Exhaustive in terms of Mental, Physical and Psychological.
Mental –Β As I need to keep an eye on one another and at times I need to break Sharanne’s fall when she’s learning to walk and suddenly, Andrealynn wails.Β Physical –Β As I need to wake up at weird hours to cuddle and feed either one of them and through many intervals and at times, I need to hug/ carry and show physical affection to Sharanne to ensure her that she’s still has my attention.Β Psychological –Β If the other half is helping. Good for one. If not, one might just have depressing thoughts. So guys, always be there and help out your wives.
But on another side,
PRO – AGILITY SKILLS AND TIME MANAGEMENT = MULTI TASKING SKILLS
I get to improve on my agility skills in managing the two babies. Make it three if you consider the husband as one. And also time management made me learnt to multi task as sometimes their feeding schedules will clash and I need to feed 2 babies at 1 go if not I will get either one wailing or in worst case scenarios, 2 wailing babies. And the above two constitutes to me, being a multi tasker. I can just feed milk via bottle and coax the other one to sleep via cuddle. Trust me, this gets better when I had 3 girls.
The TWO of them. Andrealynn and Sharanne.
I must say that it’s important to coach the elder one well. Because she will be the role model for her sister to follow. Β Afterall it’s a monkey see, monkey do kind of thing. Thus I begin to implant expectations on Sharanne and slowly she seems to be a “bossy” yet caring sister for Andrealynn and of course, Rayshirl in times to come.
1 of theΒ PROsΒ of having two kids is:
They won’t feel alone and there’s always a playmate. It will excel in their character development as they will understand the term:Β Sharing is Caring.
Best of all, when Andrealynn is 2 months old, I got the astonishing surprise… I AM PREGNANT, AGAIN, FOR THE THIRD TIME in the row. Even my Gynae was amazed with me and told me that for C-sect birth, I can only be cut up to 4 times. And the EDD was in Late June which meant it was too, roughly 11 months apart. Well, I didn’t expect it and it came as a surprise to everyone. A god’s gift always bring wonders and the best.
At that point in time, I was thinking, thank god that I had a stable job if not it will be financially taxing.
And being super seasoned with the whole process, the pregnancy and everything was a breeze. I always shared with Sharanne and Andrealynn that I am expecting another cutiepie in my tummy and getting them involved in a way of or another through the pregnancy process.
Fast forward, again >>> I had my third bundle of joy, Rayshirl through C-sect on 26 June 2012.
Rayshirl’s birth was a memorable one as I delayed my labour when Alex’s Grandma passed away on 17 June 2012. I pushed it from the initial 20th to 26th and thank god, Rayshirl is a good girl that she didn’t come out earlier.
Rayshirl at Few Hours Old
The cutest part of Rayshirl’s birth was that before I packed up to the hospital for the delivery. Sharanne being the big sister remembered about the toy exchange which I conduct for her and Andrealynn. As I had no time to shop for any, she stuffed her favourite toy into my delivery bag and told me that it’s for the soon to be born sister and Andrealynn followed suit when she saw Sharanne doing it.
I was super touched by it because being at a young age, they can give up their toys to someone dear. And it brings me to understand that why can’t us, adults learn such simple lessons from the kids? The kids can walk the talk at this age… Why can’t we when as adults, we had greater understanding as per compared to them.
And thank god, Sharanne and Andrealynn were stunned to see Rayshirl for the first time and again, after a few rounds of interactions, they accepted each other’s presence.
PRO – Learning life lessons from the kids.
At times, certain things that they did, bring out the basic of life such as, happiness. The above shows me a lesson that being happy is not what you possess physically.
And having three kids, also meant that I amΒ spoilt for choices and sharingΒ will enables them to earn more choices. Such as, I can buy 3 different flavours of ice-creams and if they share the food, they will get to eat 3 different flavours instead of one. It also help in terms of balancing out the economy of scale. I guessed this will help a lot when I enrolled them for music lessons.
AnotherΒ PROΒ would also be: There will be a mediator/ neutral stand in times of disagreement. Because when 2 kids fell out with one another, it would be the adult who will mediate between the two. But in this case, there will be one soft-hearted who will stand in to either apologize or to neutralize the tension.
However, theΒ conΒ might just be,Β financially taxingΒ as you can now no longer buy one but need to buy three items instead. And having three it meant, split of attention.Β 2 kids are easily to manage as the husband and I just had to manage one respectively but now, with 3, it tends to be challenging especially when I’m bringing 3 of them out togetherΒ but after awhile, I’m getting a hang of it. Oh yes,Β the placement child seats in the car is also a challenge.Β Three of them will take up the whole row of my back seat and I guess I need a MPV soon! And as parent, you need to learn to balance out the attention between the 3. Having one kid makes u focus ALL of your attention but having you… One needs to ensure that they get equal attention and minimize jealousy issues.
Another issue is that, I needs to get a bigger bag because having to pack for 3 will at times made me bring a weekend bag out. LOL. #findingexcusetoshopasalways
Things had always get better as they grew such as now as three of them can walk on their own, it’s not as physically exhaustive. On the positive note, I just need to “suffer” now but enjoy later. Talking about sufferings,Β another challenge is that, it’s like “end of world” when they fall sick together. It will be super duper… exhaustive in whatever ways. Burnt out is the word.
But the good thing about the young mum is that, I had energy to give the best in whatever ways and to play and run around with them. Hahaha I guess they had the hyper genes like me! π
But I just want to say, be it whether you have one, two or three kids. Parenthood is a journey whereby it widen the horizons.Β I learnt a lot from the kidsΒ andΒ it really opened up my mentality (to keep an open mind and accept changes and etc…)Β and knowing what love is, at the bigger picture. Despite whatever it is, it’s (Parenthood) not an easy journey and congrats to all, who picked this path.
And it’s not always that people are understanding towards your commitments. Friends might just walk out of your life when they don’t see your commitment to “go on a shopping trip with them” and etc… AlthoughΒ having kids might be seems as equivalent to having lesser time for other things/ people.
Trust me, surprises and daily life lessonsΒ will enrich one’s life fully and made one a stronger person (in every single terms such as mentality, physically and psychological)Β as it had enriched mine and shaped a better character development for myself thus I would like to say that having them are the best decisions I ever made thus far. π
The Chubby Chubs Trio at a Zoo Outing in May 2014.
Having three young kids back home is definitely not an easy feat. With this post, I would like to thank everyone especially my mum, my grandma, my family, my extended family (in-law’s) in rendering their assistance to assist me in times of need. Also to my employer and colleagues who are understanding enough. Also to my soulmates (aka real friends) who understand my commitments. And thank you to my 3 girls who are considerably well behaved and especially to Sharanne who did her part as the Big Sister in looking after the younger ones.
And a pat on the shoulder of every parent. Cheers to Parenthood. π
And to all parents, please take care of your health especially for mummies, for consecutive births, do not be stubborn and must take super extra good care asΒ it’s tolling the body. LOL.
At 25+ years old, I’m proud to say, I am mother of three kids.
I just want to say thank you to the medical team over at Thomson Medical Centre and of course, my Gynaecologist,Β Dr Lawrence Ang, who’s currently located in Sembawang. π
Update as of the Year 2019 – Maybe I should flip through my archives and repost those archives and do a refresh update on how to cope with 4 girls. LOL.
The little bun is out on 1st August and I’m 10 days in my confinement, feeling depressed over everything. I need that rest but I can’t rest and looking at Little Bun, I am motivated to go on stronger and tougher.
I doubted I had the courage to relook into the near future, everything seems so cloudy – I don’tΒ know how to move on with my career because another side of me wants to witness the growing up of Little Bun and DRMs. Every single job that came in with an attractive offer requires me to travel constantly. Draining up every single dollars and cents for this pregnancy made me feel bad towards DRMs. Sometimes I wonder if my life is really jinxed.
If only life is so perfect that I had a pillar of support, someone whom I can trust wholeheartedly, love wholeheartedly, less argumentative, less irritating and be there for me always. If only there is this person alive.
The husband had been slogging his life away and I really feel bad about it at times but again, BFF told me, it’s his outright duties, responsibilities and role. And there are inner thoughts about other stuff. Hopefully you feel me when I’m at my lowest.
On another hand, I wonder if the Government is serious about helping local enterprise because apparently, it doesn’t feel so. Because I had met up with so many roadblocks during my enterprise journey but I will persevere through. Because hardwork will reap success.
Am blessed to have many friends who are there cheering me on, providing all levels of support and importantly, family who are always there for me.
My MIL cycled all way from her house to my house and cooked for me EVERY SINGLE DAY – where to get this type of MIL? Despite everyone asking me to rest, I guess I got this super jian4 ming4, slogging on my computer away on both enterprises. π
I CAN DO IT.
On contra, I am still exploring options and is attending interviews DURING my confinement. #WHATALIFE
I seriously just want to be grounded back home and look at Little Bun every single day. LOL. Reality is harsh.
I guess it’s always a fine line in between everything. And best, overthink leads to depression.
As an over-comer (if there is ever such a word) of depression, I guessed when I became inactive at work, depression started to kick in. What a workaholic life — which brings me to the next point.
Why did I choose this path? 2017/ 2018 is a bad year of bad decision making.
Preggo and no one wants to hire and get stuck in a situation where I can’t seems to figure it out and stuck in the deep shit with all the relevant agencies.
Why did I choose to be preggo when I had already kind of restart my life – with the kids all grown up and ready – I need to restart my life in terms of fine tuning to the lifestyle. I need another 7 years to be ready as I need the youngest one to get into a Primary School.
Because of Pointer <1>, I speculate that I need to return to the workforce soon enough and again, I guess I will not have ample time to bond with my kid(s)/ recover from the post par tum and once again, my body will be screwed up due to all these. Correction – it’s already screwed up.
Pregnancy/ Motherhood seems to be enjoyable from others POV but all I feel that I am suffering – to take care of all the bills, fret over life and etc, all alone.
I need to tell myself, stop thinking for others because no one will think for you. And for the kids, I will pick $ over anything else.
This is my main motive in life and indeed harsh fact of life that I had to choose a career that $ is more important than my own passion. What a joke.
Why can I find someone dependable when I’m at my lowest.
Why is everyone after motive? Why can’t I find someone who shares the same mentality – sometimes it’s better than to give than to receive. No expectations, nothing.
Penning these down to remind myself in near future. Perseverance will get me somewhere one day.
Countdown to see my baby, wipe out my savings δΉζ―εΌεΎ (f_ _k the bills) and the depression.
WILLYNN (@hueyytingg) 